Sometimes I wonder “why me?” I think I’ve been a good person in my life. Every single fuckin day I’m reminded of what I’ve been through. I think about the future quality of life I’m going to lead. Will it be normal? Will I accomplish what I want to do? I don’t know what to do.
I’ve changed these past two years. I see life differently. Everything we do in life has its consequences. One thing will lead to another to another. I find myself not scared of death anymore. It’s a part of life. It’s going to happen eventually, why fight it? I’m not suicidal or anything, but its a fact that all of us have to face sooner or later. I’m just done waiting for it and just embrace life. I’ve been through hell and back. I don’t give a fuck anymore. If God wants me then he can take me. He doesn’t yet, so its coo. When he does want me then he knows what’s good.
I appreciate things that I normally would shrug off before. When I got my Blackberry I was so happy. I never put it down. I’m using it right now as I type this shit. My bb has gotton me through times when I really needed it. Reading this you might think I’m just showing off. I’m not. Because of my bb I’m able to contact and keep in touch with all the people in my life in an instant. I’m able to read what’s happening around the world. I’m able to use different apps to pass the time when I’m feeling down. (which is kind of a lot now a days) I’m able to look at my twitter and facebook account to read my friend’s are doing or thinking, which always makes me smile because I like it when they’re happy. When I say my bb is my world it literally is. Everything I am is in this phone. The small things makes me smile, too. I remember when I first got out of the hospital, I laid down and watched ALL of last season of entourage. I felt at ease. The next day I took a shower. A real shower. I stayed in that motherfucker for 30 minutes. It felt so good having all that water hit me. I even fainted because it was so overwhelming to me. Really. Ask Irvin. He might remember.
Whenever I’m out with friends I always feel warm inside. There was a time when I thought I wouldnt see any of them anymore. I love all of you from the bottom of my heart. I really do. I owe you my life. I’m always gonna say that because it’s true. On my darkest days I always think about the fact that I get to see you guys. I live to see you all. Real Talk. You know who you all are. Yeah, smile, you know it’s you.
1 year ago • 2 notes
